Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Andrea don't look!

Please excuse the title, I have to warn somebody who has a phobia of flying bugs not to look.

Ok, so I was in town this evening (people say 'town' when they mean Dublin) and I walked past Arnotts.  They usually have a totally fruity Topshop window display.  We're talking Graham Norton's gold lamé sportcoat-fruity because really, Topshop is for boys who like dressing in their sister's clothing but just don't know why yet.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.  People can dress however they want.  More people need to embrace their inner Graham Norton.  Anyway this time Arnotts is gearing up for Spring and had a different look.  They apparently got a Set Design major from Dublin College of Art to make a theatrical scene.

I'm not exactly sure what inspired this... I can only imagine one of the following occurred in the mind of said design student:
  1. attended A Midsummer Night's Dream while on acid
  2. smoked funny cigarettes while watching National Geographic TV
  3. heard a quote by Muhammad Ali while drinking large quantities of Absinthe
 Whatever the case, the Arnotts window now floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.

Hey, don't ask me.  I'm new here.  There are still a lot of things about Ireland that I don't understand.  Like parliament, leaving certs, and the immersion heater.  I still have no fecking clue how to work that thing.  Do I switch it on 'sink' or 'bath' when I want to take a shower?

Friday, 27 January 2012

No News Day

I saw this and thought, yup... nothing to report today.  Writers at The Metro have begun using the worn paperback book they keep by the toilet for news material...  You've seen that book; someone receives it for Secret Santa at work and it ends up in the bathroom wedged into a pile of magazines.  It has a title like, "Toilet Treasures and Trivia Vol. 8".  Just in case there is no news for the rest of the weekend, I would like to offer these suggestions for Metro headlines:
  • Women blamed for most babies
  • Stoners blamed for late night 7-11 sales
  • Chuck Norris blamed for tsunami, hurricane, earthquake
  • Wisconsin blamed for most cows
  • George Bush blamed for everything Democrats don't like
Just call me Captain Obvious.

Monday, 2 January 2012

I Saw the Sign

I mentioned earlier that I visited Holland with my awesomer-half last month.  We visited Germany too, and saw many wonderful sights.  The funny thing about travelling in Europe is that you will not recognise all the road signs.  They're not the ones you grew up with, and therefore the iconography is open to interpretation.  Travellers do their best to come up with meanings on the fly when they see funky road signs but it's all just guesswork.  Well, let me save you some hassle, in case you get to Holland or Germany you will know what these signs mean:

Alien Abduction Zone:  You know that song "I Ran (So Far Away)" by A Flock of Seagulls?  This is what they were talking about.

Uitgezonderd:  The Dutch live here.  Nuff said.

Theological Zone:  Some people go to heaven, some people go to hell.  That's just the way it is.  I bet you wish you tipped that waitress a little more now don't ya?  Yeah, where's your God now, heathen barbarian?

Everybody Dance:  You're probably in Germany, and the EU has just mandated that you must know where the nearest raves are.  Please crack your lightsticks now.

Heh heh.  Like that?  There's more.  Personally, I recommend visiting glowsticking.com for all your convivial luminescence needs.