Sunday, 13 November 2011
Ha'penny at Night
The other beggars in town are stumbling skangers looking for alcohol money. Don't believe their bullshit; they are not looking for, "two euro so I can get home on the Luas." Two euro will get them a can of cider with 50 cents to spare. That's the dirty side of Ireland they never print in the glossy tour brochures. The travel companies will sell you on thatched roofed cottages, tin whistle music and images of the burren. The reality is Buckfast bottles laying next to the wall, and Dubliners from council housing with their ugly nasal accents. It really is the worst accent in the world.
What does the Dublin accent sound like? hmmm. Imagine that Cockney accent you hear on East Enders, got it? It's a little bit like Eliza Doolittle from Pygmalion. Ok good, now imagine all the actors on East Enders have bad head colds and the director has told them to pronounce the letter 'i' like 'oy'. Then imagine they have all been gene-spliced with Donald Duck. THAT is the Dublin accent. There is even a cartoon on RTÉ Two that pokes fun at it. The cartoon is called Dotzy about a little twerp on social welfare, who lives in council housing and would rather play video games than get a job. The sad thing is, when you walk down O'Connell Street you really see people like that. Sigh. They wear the latest Adidas track suits and brand new Puma trainers. I always get a laugh when these asshats beg for change out in front of a Centra (like a 7-11) because you know they only want money for liquor.
Perhaps I am a heartless bastard, but when baggers in Dublin go, "spare some change?" I have been known to reply with, "Pay my student loan?" They've got some balls asking me for money. If anything, those bastards owe ME money. My taxes pay for their wasted time, regular methadone doses and free emergency room visits. You're welcome. If I were king, people on the dole would be out there doing public service, earning their keep, not sitting around smoking and drinking soyder (aka. "cider").